Day 85 - Thursday 30th September 2010

Stupid, stupid, stupid situation today that resulted in another 999 csll! Got stuck on the kitchen chair snd couldn't move! With ambulance man ssistance made it to the sofa.

Also on waking had two more small seizures that affected my left hand and torso. Aaaaarh.Have been told can increase the anti-convulsion drug. Hopefully that will help.

Day 84 - Wednesday 29th September 2010

Well now the biopsy is done and dusted what's next? We need a whole lot of positive thinking that the secondary cancer on my lung is HER2 positive. That's the result that is required. So if you have some spare positivity it would be much appreciated if you could send it in my direction. Unfortunately it will be around 10 days for the result so patience is going to come in handy on this one.

Am still a little sore from the procedure yesterday but it's bearable.

Photo: White tiger cub


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Day 83 - Tuesday 28th September 2010

"B" Day. And there I was worrying about the canula! It was a breeze - not a mark.

The procedure went like a dream as well - totally as scheduled and as explained to to inst detail. It was, however, very painful getting the piece of cancer tissue - in fact three were taken and I felt every one. Ouch and triple ouch! I really couldn't fault the staff at all though - they were brilliant - from the porters that transferred me back and fro, to Dr Mills who performed the biopsy, and all the support staff in between.

I am still very sore and hopefully I can have a reasonably lazy day tomorrow to try to recover.

Day 82 - Monday 27th September 2010

Well seems I was wrong - there really doesn't seem to be any more feeling in my left hand. If anything it is worse than ever - just a dead weight.

"B" Day is here. Tomorrow is Biopsy Day. Have to be at hospital at 8.00am in the morning. The biopsy is performed under the CT scanner. This is to take an itsy bitsy piece of the cancer cell on my lung to check it out to see if it is HER2 positive. If yes there may be a case to get special funding for the drug Lapatanib - but hey one thing at a time - let's get tomorrow over with first.

Photo: Pink Funhouse Tour 2009

Day 81 - Sunday 26th September 2010

Well that was a lovely quiet weekend. Must admit every time I sat down I fell into a snooze, so I don't think I was particularly good company but I enjoyed the weekend! Didn't someone say it was all about me? Well it was unavoidable anyway so what was I supposed to do about it? Exactly.

Just thinking about the week ahead, it is the lung biopsy on Tuesday. Obviously I am a little nervous about that. Strangely you will think I am sure but not so much about the actual biopsy because I have been told it is a quite straight forward procedure. I am very worried about having another canula put in - never easy to find a vein in my chemo-traumatised arm. And a canula will be required as the biopsy is being done under CT scan. Anyway, another day before that time is here so let's just chill for now.

Day 80 - Saturday 25th September 2010

What a lovely day it has been today with gallons of sunshine, unending blue skies and while it has been chilly, I for one couldn't fault it. Haven't seen the forecast for tomorrow but hope it's more of the same. What am I like talking about the weather?

Having said all of that I have been so tired that every time I sit down I find myself nodding off - what's that all about? Perhaps it is down to the anti-convulsion tablets that "can cause drowsiness"?

Day 79 - Friday 24th September 2010

Had to go into hospital this morning and have a pre-biopsy blood test and did you know they now check everyone that is going into hospital for MRSA? Of course if the test comes back positive you cannot go in. I suppose that's a good thing - I am presuming my test will be negative unless I picked up something when I was in on Monday.

No more improvement in the left arm to report. Am so unsteady on my feet that I now have an alert gadget that I can press if I need help when at home. Once pressed a call goes through to a centre and they will call Maurice (or any number you wish). Good idea - and Maurice is happier now lesving me home alone.

Photo: January 2002

Day 78 - Thursday 23rd September 2010

Well, what do you know? It may well be my imagination of course but I think I have a little bit more feeling in my left hand today. Not enough to put my earrings in yet but it does feel a tiny bit better. Let's hope the improvement continues. The grazing on my left side from the fall is still a little sore but better than yesterday. I am still very unsteady on my feet though and am being very careful as I go - I certainly don't want to receive the wrath of Maurice because I have been a silly bunny !

Photo: January 2002

Day 77 - Wednesday 22nd September 2010

Well, aren't I just a disaster zone at the moment. I am sure we have all seen and laughed at the "only fools and horses" sketch where Del Boy goes to lean on the bar and the bar is up so he falls right on over - well I had a similar experience last night but it wasn't funny. On my way back from a trip to the little room, I came out and the intention was to grab hold of the door frame for support but I missed completely and instead fell straight into a chest of drawers - and that hurt - a lot - I grazed practically all my left side and a few bruises too! What am I like? We now have a night light set up so I should be better from here on.

I have been given instructions by my caring husband that I must use a stick whenever possible to aid my unsteadiness and I did when I went out today but it takes some getting used to. I will do as I am told though - if it stops me falling over it will be worth it.

Photo: Aug 2002 - Portugal

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Day 76 - Tuesday 21st September 2010

Just a quickie for today. Well as you know I was more than a little concerned about waking up this morning in case there was an action replay of yesterday. I am delighted to say the whole day went without mishap - phew, that's a relief. So far so good then with the increased drugs and long may it continue.

Let me share with you a little amusing interlude at dinner tonight - Toby had "Popping Chicken" and poured himself a large glass of milk to go with it. Cory took one look at the glass of milk and said we should hire a cow so that he would have enough milk and wouldn't burn his mouth on the chicken! Hire a cow? Makes you wonder how they think of these things doesn't it?

Photo: Cory - May 2005

Day 75 - Monday 20th September 2010

What a nightmare start to the week! Woke at around 7.45 and within minutes was in the full throws of major seizure, completely out of control with twitching and jerking all down the left side and left arm in a world of its own. Had a complete workout for around 10 minutes and it stopped - then started again almost immediately just as violently. This continued for a couple of hours until Maurice called the doctors who advised a call to 999 for ambulance. All the time I just wanted it to stop but my will wasn't strong enough to have any affect - believe me when I say I was trying.

Ambulance crew arrived but couldn't find a good vein to pump in Diazepam so off we went to Maidstone Hospital and arrived with blue lights flashing - how exciting - but no neenaw neenaw though - is that because there's an extra charge for sound? Haha! As we arrived and they transferred me to one of the A&E beds the seizure stopped! It then transpired that my sugar level was only 1.7 - very low - apparently 1 is coma!!!!!!! So got a shot of glucose straight away. Not sure if the length of the seizures caused the level to drop or it could even be that the extremely low sugar level brought on the seizures in the first place.

After all the tests they felt were necessary and a wonderful time just sitting in A&E until early afternoon - not the best venue for lunch - although I have to say the cheese and ham panini from the cafe wasn't that bad - we finally got out of there! I had forgotten shoes so walked out of A&E in my socks, jimmyjam bottoms, t-shirt and dressing gown - what a sight! The outcome of all of this is that the steroids are being increased again to try and reduce swelling around tumours and anti-convulsion are being increased too. Let's see what happens. Must say I am a little worried about tomorrow morning and what it might bring.

This little episode has brought it home to me big time that I definitely cannot continue working at all - if I had one of these seizures during work - or even anytime in fact - it would be completly debilitating - more than a little worrying.

Was supposed to have my last Council meeting tonight but I have - maybe sensibly for once - advised them that I am unable to attend. While I really don't want to let anyone down, I do think that it is the right thing to do.

Photo: Pink - Bohemian Rhapsody - Funhouse Tour 2009

Day 74 - Sunday 19th September 2010

What did I say? Where there's a will ... Well, I got my contact lenses in today - yes! Lost a couple in the several attempts but I finally did it. Ha, so there!

Have not been feeling as tired the last few days but my legs lose their strength as the day progresses so much so that I have now had to give up my lovely bath at the end of the day as I don't have the strength to get up and out of the bath. So it's showers for the time being - so what did you think ? Of course it would be one or the other - the last thing I need is to pen and ink on top of everything else right now!

Photo: Portugal - July 2007

Day 73 - Saturday 18th September 2010

Thanks to all for the suggestions for my nail dilemma. Now there's another little problem that has surfaced - I can't put my contact lenses in - need both hands! So I will have to wear my glasses all the time now.

With all these little things being added to my list of "no goes" on what seems an almost daily basis it is starting to feel like my world is closing in around me. Now I even have a rubber mat for my plate so I don't knock it off the table! But that still doesn't help me to get the food to my mouth. I fleetingly wonder if we should have kept all those toddler aids like the easy to use cutlery - Perhaps a trip to Mothercare? - oh no perhaps not - What about Age Concern then? No, definitely not!

I am determined to try and manage the best that I can - where there's a will ...

Photo: La Croix, Bouteilles-St-Sebastien (Nr.Riberac) - July 2009

Day 72 - Friday 17th September 2010

Well now, have just spent two hours trying to french manicure paint my fingernails. Two hours for something that usually takes around 40 minutes. No prizes for guessing where the problem was - of course trying to paint my right hand with a totally useless left hand was always going to be difficult and the result speaks for itself - rubbish! I might have to think about reverting to a solid colour.

Lost my balance and fell off the kitchen chair earlier - smack on the floor - what an idiot and I'm not even sure how it happened - think my phone fell and I was trying to pick it up - must be more careful!

The weekend is here - yippee. Two days of whatever we want to do - result.

Photo: Antigua - April 2006

Day 71 - Thursday 16th September 2010

Well there's a real risk here that I may lose some readers - with nothing new to report - it seems for some days now - I am pretty sure this blog must be bordering on boring!

It has been suggested to me that I put my left arm in a sling - well at least I would know where it is all the time and it might help with dropping things and knocking things over. Not sure - will have a think on that one.

Gosh, have you noticed how early it is getting dark now? We are definitely sliding into Autumn aren't we? The chilliness is around too. But what will come with all that? Yes that's right - pretty autumn colours - I for one am looking forward to that - let's hope it proves to be stunning display this year.

Photo: Our Cherry Blossom - Autumn 2003

Day 70 - Wednesday 15th September 2010

Just a quickie today. Nothing new to report - am ever hopeful that I will awake one day to some more feeling in my left arm/hand - boy, would that be just fab and make all the difference to day-to-day functioning. It is not particularly good at the moment trying to do anything - Maurice even had to cut my food up at dinner tonight!!!!!! Gosh, that shouldn't be happening for a few years yet should it and aren't I supposed to have false teeth too - so I do not fall into that category then - hey, isn't anyone listening ?????


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Day 69 - Tuesday 14th September 2010

Here I am ! Did you miss me ? 'Fraid nothing new to report on the numbness - still the same on that front. Had Council meeting last night (NO.3 of 4 remaining to be done). Once again concentration proved difficult but managed to get some notes on paper. It was more difficult trying to get the Minutes done with just my right hand to call on. Took best part of the day to get them completed - absolutely ridiculous. Glad to say at the meeting last night that Council appointed their new Clerk so hopefully we can get the handover done soon - I really am hopelessly incapable of applying myself to work.

Oh yes, before I sign off, just to tell you that I have got my date for the lung biopsy - Tuesday 28th September - that's good.

Photo: June 2004

Day 67 - Sunday 12th September 2010

Beeen hoping for a bolt of lightning to help with today's entry but alas nothing has materialised. Pretty much a repeat performance of yesterday with the main hindrance being my left arm and the fact that there is no feeling at all now right down to my fingertips. Well, I should be thankful that I am right-handed then - there is always a positive ! Maurice has been run ragged the last two weekends and was in need of a break from the kitchen, so we went out for lunch today. Have to say proved difficult for me, dropped my fork twice, had trouble cutting my food and then getting it to my mouth ! These things are sent to try us - don't worry - I won't ever go hungry with the amount of excess I am packing right now - see, I told you there's always a positive !!

Photo: July 2007 - Portugal Water Park

Day 66 - Saturday 11th September 2010

Well, I am sorry guys - while I would dearly love to be able to give you some good news - and you know I would if I could - I really don't have anything positive to tell you today. My left arm is worse than useless and no help to me at all. So much so that I am now having to type with my right hand only and anything that requires my left hand needs some other way of working it out to conclusion. Just being able to hold my fork and get food to my mouth is a task in itself! I suspect that this is the mix of drugs so it may need a re-think. The anti-convulsion tablets that I am taking can cause drowsiness so that may be why I am feeling so tired most of the time.

Toby has had a delayed birthday celebration today and had friends over - been to cinema (no I didn't accompany - Maurice did) and then had a meal and later they are having a sleepover - oh, looking forward to that!

PHOTO: 2004

Day 65 - Friday 10th September 2010

What a day this has been. I have been all over the place today and I don't mean sightseeing! My left side has been completely useless and I have felt very unbalanced, so much so that I have dropped a couple of things - luckily they didn't break! Coupled with that I have felt extremely tired and trying to get the work done from the two meetings from the last two evenings has been very difficult indeed. Am beginning to wonder how much longer I can hang in with work.

So, the steroids have been reduced because I am taking the anti-convulsion tablets and while I haven't noticed any side effects until today - perhaps the lack of movement in my arm is something I should be monitoring.

Toby has completed his first week at MGS and it all seemed to go well. Am so pleased for him - he has settled in and made friends.

Photo: Snow Leopards

Day 64 - Thursday 9th September 2010

Well, I guess you are wondering how I got on at my meeting last evening. It was very difficult - concentration was zippo and while I got notes down and have managed to form them into Minutes of the meeting, I know they are not my best work. But in the circumstances it is the best I can do. Am pleased to say that at last night's meeting my replacement Clerk was introduced so that Council is up and running and all that is required now is the handover which will happen next week.

I have been feeling very tired and trying to rest up as much as possible to keep my Duracells charged but I have to say that thanks to a classic side effect of the steroids I have no strength in my legs - so trying to get up is proving very difficult - I am definitely avoiding crouching down as I would need a JCB to get me up !!!!!

Another full Council meeting tonight - it's got to be done ....

Photo: Thursday 29th July 2010

Day 63 - Wednesday 8th September 2010

8th July - that was the start of this journey - two months ago today. Oh, what I would give to have just a trapped nerve as I thought it was then. But hey, it isn't, so let's get back to reality.

Have had many offers of help with the meeting notes - thank you. I have tried to get as much rest as possible today in advance of my meeting tonight so hopefully I will get through it okay. Oops - it's time to get ready and go .....

Photo: White tigers - just for me

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Day 62 - Tuesday 7th September 2010

After a very uplifting day yesterday, today has been quite a trawl. Working is proving very difficult with concentration very limited and typing impossibly frustrating. Am concerned about the two full Council meetings this week one on Wednesday evening and then the next on Thursday evening and how I am going to get through them. Following each meeting of course there will be the Minutes to complete and any work that is generated will need to be done. Obviously as a professional person, I will do my very best but I am apprehensive about them to say the least.

Pleased to say that Toby had another good day at School today and is taking it all in his stride. I am so proud of him I feel I could almost burst.

Photo: Tuesday 7th September 2010 - Hot Air Balloon over Sutton Valence

Day 61 - Monday 6th September 2010

Well, what a day this has turned out to be.

First, Toby's birthday - but more importantly, his first day at Grammar School. So we were all up early to see him off on his first day. Maurice walked Toby to the end of the road and across the busy main road to catch the No. 12 bus to school - a first. Luckily Toby has friends that are going to the same school and are catching the same bus so he is not alone on the journey. I am so proud of him and couldn't wait to hear all about his first day when he got home. I am pleased to say that he had a great day he says and is looking forward to tomorrow ! Brilliant news.

Second, an appointment at the hospital with my oncologist - and, wait for it, he tells me that he is reading my blog ! What? Is the whole world reading my blog? Crazy! Anyway, the news is that the cancer that is on the lung is slightly bigger than I thought. The option is to have a biopsy done to check if it is HER2 positive - the same as my original breast cancer - if it proves positive to HER2 then my oncologist will try to put a special case together to get the drug Lapatinib because it has not yet been approved by NICE - a bit of a tall order. However, a big EVEN IF I do get approval to get the drug, there is no guarantee that I will react positively to the treatment. Everyone is individual and some people react well and some don't.

So, where are we? There really is no question that it is worth a go, so the plan is to have the biopsy done and check the cancer on the lung - hopefully it will be breast cancer HER2 positive and the oncologist will do his best to apply for Lapatinib as a special case. But let's not get ahead of ourselves - one step at a time - biopsy first.

Last but not least, took Toby out for dinner this evening to celebrate his birthday. A good day has been had by all today !

Photo: Monday 6th September 2010 - Toby's first day at Maidstone Grammar

Day 60 - Sunday 5th September 2010

Well, I for one had a great time and I sincerely hope everyone who came to our little soiree last evening enjoyed themselves. It certainly seemed like a long time coming but it was over in a blink ! And so well organised wasn't it thanks to my wonderful husband who had everything organised to the inst degree. I must say a huge thanks to friends and neighbours who tirelessly helped to make the night go so smoothly and to my husband who, once again, prepared a wonderful feast for our guests.

It certainly was overwhelming to see so many people show up, I do hope I didn't neglect anyone too much but think I did manage to speak to everyone at some point. Thank you to everyone who brought gifts, that really wasn't necessary you know - the point was to see you - but I thank you very much for the lovely presents.

Well, the plan now is ... just get back to some kind of normality - I know I have said that before and it is going to happen. If I have anything to do with it, it will be sooner rather than later. Then, hopefully I will feel up to socialising with as many people as possible as the months (and months) move on. Looking forward to that.

Photo: Saturday 4th September 2010 taken by Toby

Day 58 - Friday 3rd September 2010

Look at where we are - almost two months since the beginning of this final journey. Two months. Doesn't seem possible does it? But it is - two months is next Wednesday.

Before that and more important of course - yes tomorrow - we have our little ole get together. Am so looking forward to seeing everyone. I only hope that I will be able to stay for the duration as I get so tired in the evenings. I will have to have a very very good rest during the day to make sure my Duracells are fully charged to give me a fighting chance. So all that remains to say is .... looking forward to seeing you tomorrow !!!!!!!

Photo: Toby & Cory - August 2004

Day 57 - Thursday 2nd September 2010

Music. Now there's a subject. Pleased to say that I have prepared my playlist for Saturday - an upbeat mix of old and new.
You will surely agree that music is an important medium in all our lives. It can lift your spirits and of course make you cry. We all have different music tastes of course and I for one have very diverse tastes from my favourite Film Soundtrack - "Out of Africa" - to Motown (well I grew up with the sound of Motown) and to the ultimate extreme - Pink! Pink has the amazing talent of being able to put her heart and soul into her lyrics and coupled with the great music - I for one am hooked. I was privileged enough to be able to see Pink's Funhouse Tour at the O2 last December. I have to say it was the best show I have ever seen - no really - ever seen. A full on Show with a full troup of acrobats - plus Pink singing while performing acrobatics too - just amazing! When it was over I could have gone back in and seen it all over again, and again, and again. Well, I suppose then, you could say that there is one thing that I would like to do again - see another Pink concert. But expect that really isn't going to happen as that was a World Tour and the expectation is perhaps another tour in a year or so - boo hoo.

The very last track at the Pink Funhouse Tour Concert was the stunning "Glitter in the Air". The last couple of lines :

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and held that rope tight
Have you every held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight?

Have you ever? I certainly have and do.

Photo: Pink Funhouse Tour at O2 - December 2009

Day 56 - Wednesday 1st September 2010

Well, well, well. Had a real scare last evening. At around 9.30pm had the biggest and longest seizure yet complete with involuntary jerking and twitching - not a pretty sight. It seemed to go on for ages but probably in reality only about 4 minutes or so. It was very scary and frightening and even concerned my usually calm husband.

Assuming that this is to do with the reduced dosage of steroids - this morning raised them back up to the original dosage. Maurice spoke to the Oncologist who confirmed that was the correct thing to do and he has also prescribed some drugs to counteract the seizures. So let's see how that goes then.

So let's move onto nicer things shall we? Saturday at Sutton Valence Village Hall. It's almost here! Am so looking forward to seeing everyone who wants to come and see us - hee hee. Just to remind you that we will be there from 5.30pm and throughout the evening, so anytime you want to show up - that's okay with us - just remember to bring your tipple with you so we can have a "clink" together. Looking forward to seeing you there !


Photo: Valentine's Day 2010 - Egypt - amazing what the room attendants can produce from just a towel and petals!


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