Day 117-Saturday 30th October 2010

While some of you may be thinking that I am going for the record of genuine 999 calls made in one I can assure you that every call has been necessary to get me out of a predicament and the call made yesteray was no exception. Once again stuck on the floor and needing assistance and once again the crew turned up trumps. Almost disaster struck yesterday when the internet connection broke. Please to say now resolved so should be no interuption in service from here on. Thanks to all the people involved. Today in the morning I had a small seizure , although it only lasted 15 minutes. Thank you to Toby for typing this.

Day 112 - wednesday 27th October 2010

Well,everything continues to be comfortable with a super bed and the carers coming in 4 times a day.However the daytime tv is sooooo rubbish i am seriously considering entering some of the daytime competitions to try and win some money.Still no sight of the carers bike but promised very soon i am looking forward to seeing it thanks to Cory for typing this blog left arm still useless swollen left hand hope it's not limphodeama.Boys still enjoying half term and provide breakfast and lunch for me also drinks when required.

Day 110 -Monday 25 October 2010

Another relaxing weekend with visitors on saturday and sunday one of my carers has announced that she is getting a motorbike.The only problem i can see is that she has a minor mohawk haircut and with a helmet on.....but she is very excited so i am never the less and can't wait to see it.Have received a gift of the new professor Layton game on the ds so hope to play that is instead of watching rubbish day time tv.Thank you Cory for typing this blog for me.

day 109 - sunday 24th October 2010

Last night I had a tiny seizure and so I increased my medication today. My visitors have been kind and brought lots of edible gifts such as american baked cheesecake and chocolate. The last of the parish records have finally exited The Firs and I wish all the new clerks the very best of luck in their new roles. Cannot wait for the carers to perform their usual bed-wash tomorrow to remove all unwanted scraps of food from my bed!

Day 107-Friday 22nd October 2010

Thank you to Cory for typing this blog today.Once again a quiet day,had some visitors which was very nice and long may it continue.Day time tv continues to be rubbish but thank goodness it is just background noise.The boys continue to be helpful to Maurice and i hope it won't be a flash in the pan as he needs help with the house.The boys are looking forward to half term and i am looking forward to spending time with then.

Day 105 - Wednesday 20th October 2010

Thanks to Janet for the reminder and for typing this blog today. Daytime tv continues to be as boring as hell. Luckily magazines are a little more interesting.
Cory got a good report at the open evening that Maurice went to and Toby still seems to be settling well. All four parishes now have new clerks - I am sure they will all prove capable and I wish them the best of luck.
The hospital bed is amazing and I can get into positions I didn't believe were possible even before I was ill. The bed and me have been booked by a couple of clerks (no names mentioned) to take part in the New Years Day Pram Race 2011, so all invited to watch this spectacle.
I have had a lot of visitors which has been really lovely, if you are thinking of coming to see me (which would be great), please ring my mobile first as mobility is an issue and I can't get to the door. Hope to see you soon.

Day 101 - Saturday 16th October 2010

The carers are great. I can't fault them at all. Noy only do they check on me I have had string of visitors to see me. That is great but the only problem with thay is that ~~~~~I am unable to get to the door to answer it !!!!!!! Yes mobuility is still a problem.

Day 99 - thursday 14th October

With the help of Toby i'm afraid I am going to be a little profound today.

Where difficultys arise ... hang in there. Difficultys arise in the lives of us all and what is most important is dealing with the hard times, coping with changes, and getting through to the other side where the sun is still shining just for you.

So... beginning today and lasting a lifetime, hang in there and don't be afraid to feel that the morning sun is shining just for you.

Find something to be grateful for every day. Every day be full of awareness of the beauty around you. Be full of gratitude for friends and family, for the goodness you find in others and for your health and all you are capable of. Be full of expectance of yourself and others, appreciate the gifts of laghter and fun in your life and find contemptment in knowing that you can always control your ability to look on the bright side.

Love yourself every day and remember how many people love you. Do good things for others. Always see the goodness in this world. Most of all, be happy, for when you are happy you have the key that will open all the worlds doors for you.

day 98 wednesday 13th ~october 2010

the carers are fantastic, theres nothing they wont do. They come in four times a day. There are also alot of visitors coming to see me. Otherwise it has been a normal day, staying in bed, watching TV and having conversations with people that are in the house. I have been catching up on my reading, magazines, books and watching the commonwealth games. I like watching the diving the most, watching them go in the pool I enjoy. Tom Daley is very good. My lovley husband and children look after me when the carers are not around, cooking, cleaning up the house,

Day 97 - Tuesday 12th October 2010

Have to say the Carers are very good and if it wasn't for them ~I would definitely be pen and inking - I get a lovely wash in the morming which is great as I cannot get upstairs to get to the bathroom. The hospital bed is very comfortable too. The carers are very obliging and happy to help with anything. They sre very friendly too and nothing is too much trouble.

Day 93 - Friday 8th October 2010

Well I have been somewhat neglectful of my blog but there has been a lot going on too so I hope to bring you up to date now.

Since the biopsy I have had quite a lot of pain in my left shoulder that I put down to the biopsy but as the days move on I realise actually it may well be cancer on my lung. Maurice tells me that the morphine feed is ready when necessary. As far as I aam concerned the start of morphine is the start of the slippery slope and I will avoid it until it is absolutely the last possible option.

At the moment co-codomol is fitting the bill, so let's see how we go.

My mobility has deteriorated substantially in that I cannot even get to the front door if anyone calls by!

Have had visits from the District Nurse. Occupational Therapist and Macmillan, the result of which is a hospital bed that has been put downstairs because I have trouble getting upstairs, a comode and a care plan that will start on Saturday when carers will come in four times a day - that will give Maurice some breathing space. The bed is amazing, moves all ways - am thinking of putting on a show and selling tickets - ha ha ha.

Day 89 - Momday 4th October 2010

So we have received the result of the biopsy and what was the result that we needed? A breast cancer cell that is HER2 positive. Guess what we got? The worst posible scenario - MELANOMA! MELANOMA! hOW CAN THAT BE? That wasn't supposed to happen. There's no treatment for melanoma in the brain and likelihood is that's what it is.

Day 87 - Saturday 2nd October 2010

Had a visit from my GP late yesterday evening - first housecall since the start of this final journey. He is arranging for the District Nurse to call round on Monday morning.

Well you sre probably wondering how the sleeping arrangements worked last night - as far as I am concerned it went like a dream - no problems - but Maurice might hsve something to say about it - not sure it is printable.

Had some visitors over today -had a lovely day but not much else to say for the blog.

Day 86 - Friday 1st October 2010

Well after yesterday's little episode what more could happen? Anyone that knows me well, knows that there surely has to be something else - and you'd be spot on. Maurice said if I felt unsteady coming down the stairs then come down on my bottom, so I gave it a go and then made it to the bottom stair and - guess what - got stuck - couldn't get up - so another call to 999! They are brilliant! Got me up in no time at all. What am I like? Let's hope the weekend goes without the need for a 999 call.

Because of the problems getting up and down the stairs Maurice has now moved a bed downstairs ~ I am going to give it try and see how it goes this weekend.

Day 85 - Thursday 30th September 2010

Stupid, stupid, stupid situation today that resulted in another 999 csll! Got stuck on the kitchen chair snd couldn't move! With ambulance man ssistance made it to the sofa.

Also on waking had two more small seizures that affected my left hand and torso. Aaaaarh.Have been told can increase the anti-convulsion drug. Hopefully that will help.

Day 84 - Wednesday 29th September 2010

Well now the biopsy is done and dusted what's next? We need a whole lot of positive thinking that the secondary cancer on my lung is HER2 positive. That's the result that is required. So if you have some spare positivity it would be much appreciated if you could send it in my direction. Unfortunately it will be around 10 days for the result so patience is going to come in handy on this one.

Am still a little sore from the procedure yesterday but it's bearable.

Photo: White tiger cub


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Day 83 - Tuesday 28th September 2010

"B" Day. And there I was worrying about the canula! It was a breeze - not a mark.

The procedure went like a dream as well - totally as scheduled and as explained to to inst detail. It was, however, very painful getting the piece of cancer tissue - in fact three were taken and I felt every one. Ouch and triple ouch! I really couldn't fault the staff at all though - they were brilliant - from the porters that transferred me back and fro, to Dr Mills who performed the biopsy, and all the support staff in between.

I am still very sore and hopefully I can have a reasonably lazy day tomorrow to try to recover.

Day 82 - Monday 27th September 2010

Well seems I was wrong - there really doesn't seem to be any more feeling in my left hand. If anything it is worse than ever - just a dead weight.

"B" Day is here. Tomorrow is Biopsy Day. Have to be at hospital at 8.00am in the morning. The biopsy is performed under the CT scanner. This is to take an itsy bitsy piece of the cancer cell on my lung to check it out to see if it is HER2 positive. If yes there may be a case to get special funding for the drug Lapatanib - but hey one thing at a time - let's get tomorrow over with first.

Photo: Pink Funhouse Tour 2009

Day 81 - Sunday 26th September 2010

Well that was a lovely quiet weekend. Must admit every time I sat down I fell into a snooze, so I don't think I was particularly good company but I enjoyed the weekend! Didn't someone say it was all about me? Well it was unavoidable anyway so what was I supposed to do about it? Exactly.

Just thinking about the week ahead, it is the lung biopsy on Tuesday. Obviously I am a little nervous about that. Strangely you will think I am sure but not so much about the actual biopsy because I have been told it is a quite straight forward procedure. I am very worried about having another canula put in - never easy to find a vein in my chemo-traumatised arm. And a canula will be required as the biopsy is being done under CT scan. Anyway, another day before that time is here so let's just chill for now.

Day 80 - Saturday 25th September 2010

What a lovely day it has been today with gallons of sunshine, unending blue skies and while it has been chilly, I for one couldn't fault it. Haven't seen the forecast for tomorrow but hope it's more of the same. What am I like talking about the weather?

Having said all of that I have been so tired that every time I sit down I find myself nodding off - what's that all about? Perhaps it is down to the anti-convulsion tablets that "can cause drowsiness"?

Day 79 - Friday 24th September 2010

Had to go into hospital this morning and have a pre-biopsy blood test and did you know they now check everyone that is going into hospital for MRSA? Of course if the test comes back positive you cannot go in. I suppose that's a good thing - I am presuming my test will be negative unless I picked up something when I was in on Monday.

No more improvement in the left arm to report. Am so unsteady on my feet that I now have an alert gadget that I can press if I need help when at home. Once pressed a call goes through to a centre and they will call Maurice (or any number you wish). Good idea - and Maurice is happier now lesving me home alone.

Photo: January 2002

Day 78 - Thursday 23rd September 2010

Well, what do you know? It may well be my imagination of course but I think I have a little bit more feeling in my left hand today. Not enough to put my earrings in yet but it does feel a tiny bit better. Let's hope the improvement continues. The grazing on my left side from the fall is still a little sore but better than yesterday. I am still very unsteady on my feet though and am being very careful as I go - I certainly don't want to receive the wrath of Maurice because I have been a silly bunny !

Photo: January 2002

Day 77 - Wednesday 22nd September 2010

Well, aren't I just a disaster zone at the moment. I am sure we have all seen and laughed at the "only fools and horses" sketch where Del Boy goes to lean on the bar and the bar is up so he falls right on over - well I had a similar experience last night but it wasn't funny. On my way back from a trip to the little room, I came out and the intention was to grab hold of the door frame for support but I missed completely and instead fell straight into a chest of drawers - and that hurt - a lot - I grazed practically all my left side and a few bruises too! What am I like? We now have a night light set up so I should be better from here on.

I have been given instructions by my caring husband that I must use a stick whenever possible to aid my unsteadiness and I did when I went out today but it takes some getting used to. I will do as I am told though - if it stops me falling over it will be worth it.

Photo: Aug 2002 - Portugal

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Day 76 - Tuesday 21st September 2010

Just a quickie for today. Well as you know I was more than a little concerned about waking up this morning in case there was an action replay of yesterday. I am delighted to say the whole day went without mishap - phew, that's a relief. So far so good then with the increased drugs and long may it continue.

Let me share with you a little amusing interlude at dinner tonight - Toby had "Popping Chicken" and poured himself a large glass of milk to go with it. Cory took one look at the glass of milk and said we should hire a cow so that he would have enough milk and wouldn't burn his mouth on the chicken! Hire a cow? Makes you wonder how they think of these things doesn't it?

Photo: Cory - May 2005

Day 75 - Monday 20th September 2010

What a nightmare start to the week! Woke at around 7.45 and within minutes was in the full throws of major seizure, completely out of control with twitching and jerking all down the left side and left arm in a world of its own. Had a complete workout for around 10 minutes and it stopped - then started again almost immediately just as violently. This continued for a couple of hours until Maurice called the doctors who advised a call to 999 for ambulance. All the time I just wanted it to stop but my will wasn't strong enough to have any affect - believe me when I say I was trying.

Ambulance crew arrived but couldn't find a good vein to pump in Diazepam so off we went to Maidstone Hospital and arrived with blue lights flashing - how exciting - but no neenaw neenaw though - is that because there's an extra charge for sound? Haha! As we arrived and they transferred me to one of the A&E beds the seizure stopped! It then transpired that my sugar level was only 1.7 - very low - apparently 1 is coma!!!!!!! So got a shot of glucose straight away. Not sure if the length of the seizures caused the level to drop or it could even be that the extremely low sugar level brought on the seizures in the first place.

After all the tests they felt were necessary and a wonderful time just sitting in A&E until early afternoon - not the best venue for lunch - although I have to say the cheese and ham panini from the cafe wasn't that bad - we finally got out of there! I had forgotten shoes so walked out of A&E in my socks, jimmyjam bottoms, t-shirt and dressing gown - what a sight! The outcome of all of this is that the steroids are being increased again to try and reduce swelling around tumours and anti-convulsion are being increased too. Let's see what happens. Must say I am a little worried about tomorrow morning and what it might bring.

This little episode has brought it home to me big time that I definitely cannot continue working at all - if I had one of these seizures during work - or even anytime in fact - it would be completly debilitating - more than a little worrying.

Was supposed to have my last Council meeting tonight but I have - maybe sensibly for once - advised them that I am unable to attend. While I really don't want to let anyone down, I do think that it is the right thing to do.

Photo: Pink - Bohemian Rhapsody - Funhouse Tour 2009

Day 74 - Sunday 19th September 2010

What did I say? Where there's a will ... Well, I got my contact lenses in today - yes! Lost a couple in the several attempts but I finally did it. Ha, so there!

Have not been feeling as tired the last few days but my legs lose their strength as the day progresses so much so that I have now had to give up my lovely bath at the end of the day as I don't have the strength to get up and out of the bath. So it's showers for the time being - so what did you think ? Of course it would be one or the other - the last thing I need is to pen and ink on top of everything else right now!

Photo: Portugal - July 2007

Day 73 - Saturday 18th September 2010

Thanks to all for the suggestions for my nail dilemma. Now there's another little problem that has surfaced - I can't put my contact lenses in - need both hands! So I will have to wear my glasses all the time now.

With all these little things being added to my list of "no goes" on what seems an almost daily basis it is starting to feel like my world is closing in around me. Now I even have a rubber mat for my plate so I don't knock it off the table! But that still doesn't help me to get the food to my mouth. I fleetingly wonder if we should have kept all those toddler aids like the easy to use cutlery - Perhaps a trip to Mothercare? - oh no perhaps not - What about Age Concern then? No, definitely not!

I am determined to try and manage the best that I can - where there's a will ...

Photo: La Croix, Bouteilles-St-Sebastien (Nr.Riberac) - July 2009

Day 72 - Friday 17th September 2010

Well now, have just spent two hours trying to french manicure paint my fingernails. Two hours for something that usually takes around 40 minutes. No prizes for guessing where the problem was - of course trying to paint my right hand with a totally useless left hand was always going to be difficult and the result speaks for itself - rubbish! I might have to think about reverting to a solid colour.

Lost my balance and fell off the kitchen chair earlier - smack on the floor - what an idiot and I'm not even sure how it happened - think my phone fell and I was trying to pick it up - must be more careful!

The weekend is here - yippee. Two days of whatever we want to do - result.

Photo: Antigua - April 2006

Day 71 - Thursday 16th September 2010

Well there's a real risk here that I may lose some readers - with nothing new to report - it seems for some days now - I am pretty sure this blog must be bordering on boring!

It has been suggested to me that I put my left arm in a sling - well at least I would know where it is all the time and it might help with dropping things and knocking things over. Not sure - will have a think on that one.

Gosh, have you noticed how early it is getting dark now? We are definitely sliding into Autumn aren't we? The chilliness is around too. But what will come with all that? Yes that's right - pretty autumn colours - I for one am looking forward to that - let's hope it proves to be stunning display this year.

Photo: Our Cherry Blossom - Autumn 2003

Day 70 - Wednesday 15th September 2010

Just a quickie today. Nothing new to report - am ever hopeful that I will awake one day to some more feeling in my left arm/hand - boy, would that be just fab and make all the difference to day-to-day functioning. It is not particularly good at the moment trying to do anything - Maurice even had to cut my food up at dinner tonight!!!!!! Gosh, that shouldn't be happening for a few years yet should it and aren't I supposed to have false teeth too - so I do not fall into that category then - hey, isn't anyone listening ?????


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